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Here you can check out my Portfolio: Link
Feel free to comment and let me know what you think.
Here is a link to my favorite channel on YouTube, it has some really cool content if you're interested in theoretical situations that may be good plots for retelling! I may try to incorporate some of these in my stories, I will keep everyone updated.
In A Nutshell
Hey, Garrett!
ReplyDeleteI think that your overall theme for your site is really good! There are tons of classic stories out there that readers may want to try, but are put off by the complexity, density, etc. That's how I was with the Iliad and the Odyssey -- I wasn't sure if I wanted to tackle them, but the UnTextbook translation for this class was super easy to follow. With your retellings of similar stories, I think you can make myths and legends more accessible to your audiences. The King James Bible can get a little wordy, but I had no trouble following the action and dialogue of your retelling of these famous faith tales.
When you revise the story, I noticed just a handful of syntax and grammar things:
You don't need to capitalize "Jet" in the first paragraph.
When you have dialogue from multiple sources, split it into paragraphs based on who is talking (e.g. Jesus and Cohort in the second paragraph).
Change "mans" to "man's" in the third paragraph.
Use "woman" instead of "women" in paragraph four.
These are super small edits, but I think they'll help to polish it just a bit.
Garrett,
ReplyDeleteI love the idea you went with for this portfolio! Having read a decent chunk of the Bible while growing up, reading your first story was quite interesting an experience.
The primary concern I had was with your story's transformation to modern day. Let's say I took the main chunks of your story out and examined those alone; most of what I'd see would be a close parallel to what's already written in the Word. I understand that you've used modern day locations, different transportation, a different animal for the legion of demons to transfer over to, and the means that they were killed, but those and most of the other modern day changes seem a little too surface level. Kind of as if you're switching back and forth between modern details, the old story of Jesus doing miracles, back to some more modern details, and then back again. I just think you can do more to put more modernizing on Jesus's part. Something like, "Jesus saw and understood why these self-absorbed people in their cell phones were going farther and farther from the Father." Just link Jesus himself to the modern day component a bit more to help it flow better!
I do appreciate the change to Jairus' occupation, though. Like you said, it was a humbling touch. I hope you continue to do what you've done so far. Your idea works well, and I'm sure it'll be an even better story once you've fine-tuned it.
-Lance J.
Hi Garrett!
ReplyDeleteThis story was very interesting! I really liked the New York City adaptation. The idea of Jesus and his disciples sitting on a plane was humorous and using rats instead of pigs makes a lot of sense.
I do wonder about a few details... From reading your homepage, I had the idea that Jesus was coming back to Earth for the first time after 2000 years - is that the case? Or is the idea that he's been around the whole time doing this kind of thing in different places? I also am curious how you came around to the idea of using ISIS as demons... Is it just because you wanted to pick something that's clearly bad?
Finally, I have a couple of little grammatical connections - you say "women" instead of "woman" in a couple of places and the sentence "Jesus placed his hand on her head and removed it" seems to imply that Jesus removed her head.
Looking forward to reading more!
Hey there Garrett,
ReplyDeleteYour Portfolio is very interesting in the way that you are turning very old stories into contemporary stories in a modern way. The home page you have is very captivating and very easy to navigate. And I think the way that you plan on telling the stories in a modern way will draw in the attention of the reader even more. I really enjoyed the twist in your first story of adding New York as the modern twist, I thought that definitely made Jesus be more modern. The banner for the Modern Day Savior is very captivating and definitely gives a little bit of insight into what the reader will be reading about in this story. The way that you wrote the story was very easy to follow, having lots of dialogue. I though some of the character changes were funny such as the change from pigs to rats. This definitely made since because they are now in New York. I enjoyed this read and look forward to more stories!
Garrett,
ReplyDeleteHonestly, your portfolio is one of the most interesting things I've read this week. I literally laughed out loud imagining Jesus walking out of an Airbnb. Your vision is fantastic and so original, I am 100% looking forward to what else you're going to write. From your introduction on your home page, I was skeptical how you could pull something like this off, but you blew me away with your first story. Hard to say anything but WELL DONE.
I wonder how literal vs. representative characters will contribute to the rest of your portfolio. For example, using characters that represent a certain well known figure (religious, political, entertainment, etc.) in place of the person himself, or name dropping (like Kanye did this, Buddy did that...) so the reader is already familiar with the character. Obviously in your first story, you explicitly named Jesus and ISIS so the reader knew right away what issue you were talking about. Mixing it up in the rest of your portfolio would be really fun!
I am so curious what other things you'll be addressing. This is a little similar to my own storybook, where I retell stories to fit today's issues (and I am totally stealing your idea of having music on each chapter. I LOVE this!). Fantastic work so far, I can't wait to see what else you'll contribute!
-Moriah C.
Hi Garrett,
ReplyDeleteI like that you took on the challenge of translating hard to read stories into contemporary tales. I thought the music you added to the page was a great addition, and it set a cool vibe when I was reading your story. I wonder what Jesus would think of the world nowadays. You definitely helped modernize the story by adding tech and New York City while also including the homeless to the scene. I like that you integrated how videos would spread pretty immediately and basically make Jesus go viral. What if you added in a side character that reacts to the rats? Someone that really pulls the reader into the New York setting while they take a video. Maybe they freak out, or they think it's totally awesome. I am curious how a normal person that had only seen things about Jesus on the Internet, and was skeptical, would respond to a miracle like that. Looking forward to more stories that are easier to read than their originals!
Hi Garret,
ReplyDeleteMy main comments are all about your site. I absolutely love the theme you have chosen to explore. I think your sights profile is truly inviting to the viewer not only aesthetically but also helps open the readers mind. Your sight creates an environment of creative thought for the reader so there really are no limits to the imagination when reading.
Hey Garrett,
ReplyDeleteI thought your story was quite interesting! I also read Mark this semester, so I recognized the miracles and how you converted them to 2020. I don't think people really think about what it would look like if Jesus came back tomorrow. It is hard for me to find much to critique your story on. If I had to say something, I would just add that it might help if you slow down a little bit. At times it felt a bit like a roller coaster going from one miracle to the next. All in all you did a great job! I was just looking for something to add.
Good luck,
Brady
Hi Garrett,
ReplyDeleteJust visiting your website now and I am amazed at the the banner photo! It really captured my attention along with all the photos and the video! I really enjoyed seeing a little introduction of yourself on the front page because it already engages the reader to the person behind the writing. I really love your first story! I am Buddhist, so I do not know much about certain stories from the Bible. This way, I can get a good knowledge of them without struggling through the complex stories. One criticism I had would to add more details to the story. I feel like it went by so fast. Other than that, I really enjoyed the changes you made to the original story like the rats and "ISIS" being the demons.
I read the second story and I really like the idea of having full faith being tested by a god. This really made the story easier to read, and I am glad it had a happy ending. Good job! I can't wait to read more!
Hi Garrett,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading your story, “Be Thankful”. Stories like these are a good reminder for no matter how hard things get to always trust in a higher plan. I love how you based your story off of the original story about AYUB but wrote it with a more modernized spin. I thought it interesting that Allah gave Mark a disgusting skin disease and Mark still didn’t lose faith in Allah. There were so many great examples in your story of times where Mark faced adversity and continued to trust Allah. I loved the overall message of your story and I thought that it was very relatable to readers. Overall, I thought that you did a great job with your story. The flow of the story was very well written. Your portfolio in general is very well organized and has a layout that is easy to follow. Great job!
Hello, Garrett!
ReplyDeleteI really appreciate your outlook on things! I will admit that I personally have struggled with some literature in the past. Let me just say that just because the literature may be in the same language does not mean that you will be able to understand everything that is going on. I am really eager to see if reading your stories will give me a glimpse of what is going on in your mind.
Let me start off by saying that I know the story is titled “Modern-Day Savior”, but I was really not expecting what you delivered. I never thought the day would come that I would read the sentence “Jesus and his twelve disciples have flown via jet into New York City”.
I am curious to know if the name of the many demons in the man’s body is referring to the terrorist group, which would be fitting considering the terror that the demons are inflicting on the man.
Overall, you wrote an incredibly interesting story!
Hi Garrett,
ReplyDeleteI would like to start off by saying that I love the look of your site. It is such a good indication of the stories that the reader will eventually read through. Also, such a unique and cool idea for a Storybook. I also love that you included "theme music" on your page. Such a cool idea! It helps to set the mood of the site even more and definitely engages the reader while they are looking through your stories and introduction. I love what you decided to do with the Modern Day Savior story. I think it is so cool when we are able to take traditional stories that most people have heard a bout and put new spins on them to fit them into our modern culture. I love that you included dialogue as well. It definitely helps the reader to gain a glimpse inside of the characters minds. Great job and can't wait to see your finished project!
Garrett,
ReplyDeleteI think it is pretty awesome that you were able to tie a story about King Chameleon all the way back to The Office. Your story actually sounds very similar to something that would happen in the office. When I saw the title of your story "Regional Manager", I had a gut feeling that it was about the office. Your site is really well designed, and easy to navigate. I like the touch of Jazz at the end of the story as well, although it does seem a bit out of place. In all, you wrote a very interesting story that I enjoyed reading, so congrats on that. I don't have much advice for you on your story. The only thing I would consider doing is adding a photo. Maybe something goofy from the office. The jazz video is cool, but I'm not sure it fits your story!
Best of luck,
Brady
Hey Garrett, first thing I want to mention is that I absolutely love the picture you have on your homepage. The title you picked is what drew me in and peaked my curiosity, but it was this picture the one that made me stay and look over your stories. Honestly man, great job on that. I really liked the way your intro talks both about you and your project. I think this allows us to get a better understanding of where your project came form in a sense. Last thing I want to say about your home page, I think the small summaries you have under your stories is an amazing idea. It gives us a glimpse and a chance to form an idea of what's to come. Getting to your stories I really like the way you revamped old stories and tales that most of us are familiar with. By doing this you gave them a new and unexpected twist I really enjoyed. Matthew, awesome job with this project dude. Looking forward to seeing what else you do.
ReplyDeleteHi Garrett!
ReplyDeleteI really love how the title of your portfolio gives the audience an immediate answer to a theme that you are going with for all of your stories. I really love the idea of taking older stories and making them more contemporary or modern too. It makes the underlying plot more understandable to the reader since you use settings that we are more familiar with. I am personally obsessed with The Office (I've seen every single episode at least 10 times) and I love that you used Scranton and Dunder Mifflin. The dialogue you used for Dwight was perfect too, it's something that Dwight would do/say for sure. Just out of curiosity, why did you decide to use Andy as the manager instead of Michael? Side note: I thought of Toby moving to Costa Rica when you said Andy was moving to the Bahamas and thought that was so funny!
Garrett,
ReplyDeleteGreat story! I really liked “Regional Manager”. I think that you did a great job creating a personal and entertaining story. I love how you related your story to the office. I also thought it was very smart how you created a lot of dialogue to resemble the show. I was able to mentally picture your story as an episode. Your story was very creative and fun to read. Overall, I don’t have any critiques for your story, but I do think that it would be really interesting to elaborate on this story, maybe make a part 2. I would love to know if the employees ever come back to the office or if they permanently quit. I am not a frequent watcher of the office, but I did enjoy your story very much and look forward to reading more of your stories on your page. Keep up the great work Garrett!
Hi Garrett,
ReplyDeleteLet me just start by saying that your website looks fantastic. I really like the picture from your homepage. One thing that I would point out is that it makes your navigation bar hard to read. Maybe you can make that text bold. Another suggestion that I have is put your comment wall link as a footer; that way it is available on every page.
I liked all of the images that you had for your stories. They are super good quality, and you make great use of the screen real estate. Each page looks clean professional and modern. I also like how different the stories are. Reading through your "Every Reign Comes to an End" story, I really liked how you adapted the story of "The Ape Sun Wu Kung." I had no idea of the original story. I enjoyed looking through this portfolio, and I wish you good luck on the finals!
Garret,
ReplyDeleteI really liked your vision for all of these old stories. It's nice to see them all translated into the modern world, it was also great to read about how each translated over. I will say, some were better than others in their modern counterparts. I'm really trying to imagine modern Jesus acting like bible Jesus and it does make me giggle a little on the inside. I think my favorite story was the adaptation into a setting from The Office. Though I'm not a big fan/watcher of the Office, I could still picture the characters doing as you described! I wish the point of the story was more emphasized in this one though. I haven't read the story you based it off of, but to me it seems every quit because Dwight somehow cheated without any proof? Anyways, just something that would be easier to understand with more info in the story!
Hi Garret! I enjoyed reading your stories. I haven't read much of the source material because I am from the Indian Epics class, but from what I was familiar with and from your author's notes, I'd say you did a good job adapting them to a more modern setting. I especially liked the first story listed on your website, "Modern-Day Savior." Modern Jesus is an interesting character to think about. Like, how differently would he act now versus two thousand years ago? I thought you attacked the topic well, especially the part about ISIS being the demons against Jesus and the modern versions of the healing he performed in the original work. Your website is also clean and nice to look at, so I don't have any criticism on your website's appearance. Overall, good job!
ReplyDelete